Unexpected Places.

      So I have been a terrible blogger......seeing as I have not posted since September, whoops. Well I figured I would write a little today. I have lived here for over six months now, which is absolutely crazy. Thinking about where my life was a year ago and not believing that was a year ago. It seems daunting to write an update from September, so I'm not. Though, I will say that I have experienced a lot of grace, challenge, pain, joy, confusion and purpose in these last six months. In the many emotions come many questions, some that have been beautifully answered and some that I will indefinitely be left in the dark about. A common question centers around what I am actually doing here: teaching first grade. Let me first say that it has been good. Real good. That good is filled with tastes of failure and grace. I'll be the first one to say, I royally had no idea what I was doing when I started teaching five months ago. All things first grade, or elementary school rather, were foreign to me. Heck, I still don't really know what I am doing...but that's where that word grace comes in and I experience it on the daily :). I feel inadequate, frustrated, and frankly dumb many days when it comes to teaching my little ones. There is still much I don't know, but one thing I do know is how to welcome the Holy Spirit in my classroom. There have been a handful of moments in my room in the last month or so where He has showed up and it has been beautifully humbling. I am confident He has me in position not because I am good at teaching reading or have super behavior management skills (cause I'm not and I don't), but to allow a space for Him to show up and pour His Spirit out on my students. Now, I will say before coming here, I had never worked with young kids and never desired to. I am passionate about seeing people come to experience the Lord actively move and work in their lives and frankly I didn't really believe He did with young kids at the same level I saw in teenagers and young adults. It sounds ignorant of me, but that is how I honestly felt, the concept was foreign to me. Wellllll, lets just say that belief has been shattered in a million beautiful pieces. Here is one example of that:   
       Last week, one of my students was visibly upset and he told me that his grandfather is dying. We had about 20 minutes between a special and Spanish class so I decided to bring all the students to the carpet and allow this student to share with the class why he was so upset. As he shared the reason for his tears, every student sat silently listening to him, and silence never happens in my classroom. As he spoke, the class inched their way forward and embraced him. The tears began to flow from their eyes and from mine. A handful of students began to share their stories of loss and I was able to share how I lost my grandmother at their very age. I asked if anyone would be willing to pray over this situation and a handful of hands went up; my classroom transformed into a prayer room. I listened to the the simple and genuine prayers of seven year old and I witnessed my students on their faces and laying hands on their friend. When we were finished praying I shared with my students what a pure image of God's love they showed to me, and whether we are seven, twenty-seven or fifty-seven, this is how Jesus wants us to respond when a friend is hurting. A love with no reservations.
     Then to top this moment off, I looked over at one of my girls and asked her what she was feeling, she stated so simply, "I feel like I want to cry, because I know Jesus is inside me." Uh, yeah, speechless.

It is amazing how the things you expect the least from, teach you the most important lessons.

The Beginnings!

Well it has been a while since I have posted. Setting up my classroom, preparing to teach, and teaching for the first time has consumed all my time, energy, and sleep for the last 2 weeks. Last night I slept for almost 12 hours, 9:30 pm to 9:30 am! It was glorious.

As many of you may know, teaching elementary school was not in my plans. The thought of decorating a classroom alone scared me, and then to think I am teaching many students who don't know how to read or write.....it was a bit of a mental shift from 7th grade. When it came time for me to start decorating I really didn't know where to start, I couldn't even remember the last time I was in a first grade classroom. Then there is Pinterest. Which can always be a help or a curse. It gave me a lot of good ideas, but also stressed me out.

Here is what I started with. Before:

After:

Also this all basically happened in 3-4 days (we had orientation all day, everyday which gave me limited time to pull this together). I am really happy with how it turned out and I am excited to see it become more personalized to my students as the year goes on.

Open house was this past Tuesday night & I got to meet all my little first graders! 

At my desk! I still need to decorate this area....wasn't first on the priority list! 

One of my roommates, Victoria and I. She teaches second grade across the hall!

& then Wednesday came and I began my journey as a first grade teacher! 

My roommates, Victoria and Taylor, and I on the first day!

Here are some pictures from my week! 

One of my students lost a tooth on Thursday and then another on Friday. Welcome to First Grade!

Thursday

& Friday.

She was determined to pull them both out. I asked her if she could wait because Miss. Perisho wasn't a fan of bloody teeth, it didn't work:(. 

On another note, the Lord has been so good to me these last few weeks, because frankly I was super intimidated and fearful by this whole teaching first grade thing. Prior to starting, I specifically and diligently prayed for a calmness of spirit and an excitement. Today I can praise the faithfulness of my Father in giving me those two things. Not to say that this week was a walk in the park, but even amidst the chaos, confusion, criticism and stress of the last three days, I can end the week standing on the belief that in seeking Him, He will give me the tools to do my job well. I don't have a wealth of knowledge, or prior experience, but I serve a God who does not place us in positions to let us fend for ourselves. Within that truth, I feel a covering of confidence that I walk with Jesus in this. Not alone. Not on my own strength. Not on my own knowledge. But with a faithful Savior. He has placed me in the position I am in for a purpose, even if I can't see the whole picture, I know He will reveal it to me in time. The beauty in that is He doesn't seek for us to understand, but to trust that His plans are always better than our own.

Also, here's a bonus picture of me in first grade:

 

Amazing. 

"Whenever I have resisted him, I have cheated myself. Whenever I have yielded, I have found joy."

 -Keep A Quiet Heart, Elizabeth Elliot 

"Oh what a friend"

Tonight I had planned to spend the evening working on stuff for my classroom, but my soul needed to be still. I was hungry for time with Jesus. To be in the scriptures, to speak with Him and listen to Him. I felt led to pick up one my favorite books, The Ragamuffin Gospel. It always serves as a loud reminder of the Father's deep & ardent love for me. I opened to a random chapter and a portion of this chapter spoke to the concept of finding our "home" in Jesus:

   

        "Jesus simply says, 'Make your home in me, as I make mine in you' (John 15:4). Home is a safe place right in the midst of our anxious world. 'Anyone who loves me will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we shall come to him and make a home in him" (John 14:23)

        Home is that sacred space---external or internal---where we don't have to be afraid; where we are confident of hospitality and love. In our society we have many homeless people sleeping not only on the streets, in shelters, or in welfare hotels, but vagabonds who are in flight, who never come home to themselves. They seek a safe place through alcohol or drugs or security in success, competence, friends, pleasure, notoriety, knowledge, or even in a little religion. They have become strangers to themselves, people who have an address but are never at home, who never hear the voice of love or experience the freedom of God's children. 

        To those of us in flight who are afraid to turn around lest we run into ourselves, Jesus says, you have a home. I am your home. Claim me as your home. You will find it to be the intimate place where I have found my home. It is right where you are, in your innermost being. In your heart." 

---When I long for familiarity, my earthly home, or a former community, draw me into the hospitality of Your love. Remind me that home is with You, where voids are filled and the spirit is refreshed.---

"We drink you in

 Oh what a friend

 We've found in Jesus."

A Saturday.

Old fashion machines weaving beautiful blankets. 

Fresh fruits and veggies. 

A bustling market, filled with the local & the tourist.

Farmers presenting their crop. 

Lunch straight the from the pig. Amazing. 

Sweet gals who are partnering with me in this new season of life.

Though some days I long for a coffee date with dear friends, miss the feeling of being known & wish to be seated around my family's dinner table---I am grateful for where I am. There is beauty all around me; the tangible and intangible and I pray I can continue to see it.

It's not just a metaphor for love.

One of my favorite artists is Sara Groves. She in an incredible songwriter and has a simple, yet beautiful voice. I continue to find such treasure in her lyrics. She writes honestly, without the fluff and flowery language that is so often found in the Christian music industry today.

This song "Awakening" is one of my all-time favorites. (Ignore the cheesy music video!)
The lyrics are powerful. The last two verses are always so convicting to me.

Dress down your pretty faith, give me something real
Leave out the Thee and Thou and speak to me now
Speak to my pain and confusion
Speak through my fears and my pride
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside

I know that I'm not perfect, but compare me to most
In a world of hurt in a world of anger I think I'm holding my own
And I know that you've said there is more to life
No I am not satisfied
But there are mornings I wake up and I’m just thankful to be alive

I've known for quite a while that I am not whole
I've remembered the body and the mind, but dissected the soul
Now something inside is awakening
Like a dream I once had and forgot
And it's something I'm scared of and something I don't want to stop

I woke up this morning and realized
Jesus is not a portrait
Or stained glass windows
Or hymns
Or all the tradition that surrounds us

I thought it would be hard to believe in, but it's not hard at all
To believe I've sinned
And fallen short
Of the glory of God

He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real amazing grace

And it's not just a sign or a sacrament
It's not just a metaphor for love
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of our faith