So I have been a
terrible blogger......seeing as I have not
posted since September, whoops. Well I figured I would write a little
today. I have lived here for over six months now, which is absolutely
crazy. Thinking about where my life was a year ago and not believing
that was a year ago. It seems daunting to write an update from
September, so I'm not. Though, I will say that I have experienced a lot
of grace, challenge, pain, joy, confusion and purpose in these last six
months. In the many emotions come many questions, some that have been
beautifully answered and some that I will indefinitely be left in the
dark about. A common question centers around what I am actually doing
here: teaching first grade. Let me first say that it has been good. Real
good. That good is filled with tastes of failure and grace. I'll be the
first one to say, I royally had no idea what I was doing when I started
teaching five months ago. All things first grade, or elementary school
rather, were foreign to me. Heck, I still don't really know what I am
doing...but that's where that word
grace comes in and I
experience it on the daily :). I feel inadequate, frustrated, and
frankly dumb many days when it comes to teaching my little ones. There
is still much I don't know, but one thing I do know is how to welcome
the Holy Spirit in my classroom. There have been a handful of moments in
my room in the last month or so where He has showed up and it has been
beautifully humbling. I am confident He has me in position not because I
am good at teaching reading or have super behavior management skills
(cause I'm not and I don't), but to allow a space for Him to show up and
pour His Spirit out on my students. Now, I will say before coming here,
I had never worked with young kids and never desired to. I am
passionate about seeing people come to experience the Lord actively move
and work in their lives and frankly I didn't really believe He did with
young kids at the same level I saw in teenagers and young adults. It
sounds ignorant of me, but that is how I honestly felt, the concept was
foreign to me. Wellllll, lets just say that belief has been shattered in
a million beautiful pieces. Here is one example of that:
Last week, one of my students was visibly upset and he told me that his
grandfather is dying. We had about 20 minutes between a special and
Spanish class so I decided to bring all the students to the carpet and
allow this student to share with the class why he was so upset. As he
shared the reason for his tears, every student sat silently listening to
him, and silence never happens in my classroom. As he spoke, the class
inched their way forward and embraced him. The tears began to flow from
their eyes and from mine. A handful of students began to share their
stories of loss and I was able to share how I lost my grandmother at
their very age. I asked if anyone would be willing to pray over this
situation and a handful of hands went up; my classroom transformed into a
prayer room. I listened to the the simple and genuine prayers of seven
year old and I witnessed my students on their faces and laying hands on
their friend. When we were finished praying I shared with my students
what a pure image of God's love they showed to me, and whether we are
seven, twenty-seven or fifty-seven, this is how Jesus wants us to
respond when a friend is hurting. A love with no reservations.
Then to top this moment off, I looked over at one of my girls and asked
her what she was feeling, she stated so simply, "I feel like I want to
cry, because I know Jesus is inside me." Uh, yeah, speechless.
It is amazing how the things you expect the least from, teach you the most important lessons.
